We all know people we'd like to say this to...

Close your noise hole.
There's stupid falling out.
code finished.
now I can sleep.
is not a synonym for "center,"
nor does it mean
"really big important center."
It means "place above the center,"
as in, the place on the earth's crust
above the location of the earthquake.
And I'll take issue with any
usage board that says otherwise.
Passed a school bus today.
It said "Student Driver."
Aren't they all?
In an attempt to make our 3-hour department-wide meetings more palatable, the organizers send trivia questions ahead of time, and hold a drawing for restaurant gift certificates amongst the right answers during the meeting. (The only way to make these meetings more palatable is to make them shorter. Anything that does not make them shorter is not "fun," but "annoying." Shorter. Just shorter.) Yes, we are asked trivia questions without a time limit (except, I suppose, "Friday") while sitting in front of internet connections to Google. Don't think on it too hard.

Today I received the following emails, sent to every member of the department:
11:15 am (Department Admin): What was General Phil Sheridan's horse's name?
11:30 am (Department Employee): Old Rienzi
11:31 am (Same Department Employee): Sorry my bad
What shall we do
with a drunken sailor?
I'm in a crafty mood,
looking at making paper
and making shoes.
I am back.
I have downloaded 376 pieces of spam.
I wish I were still sailing.
When you set your
out-of-office assistant,
then it's really real.

Woo hoo!
I am now officially cool.
I have—
and it's worth mentioning
that this is the realization
of a 15-year dream—
my very own
electric bass guitar.
[ah heh hem]
We interrupt this blog...
Psst, hey Mister Nihil.
Send me an email quick, wouldya?
It's first underscore last
at that place where I work dot com.
Thanks, ever so.

And now,
back to your regularly scheduled blog.
When I say,
"Remind me again in an hour,"
I don't mean an actual hour,
you literal boob.
I just mean,
when I'm ready to think about it.
Stupid Outlook.
5, 4, 3, 2...